Tuesday, 25 September 2012

My new walking stick

Dearest Chumrades,

How are we all this fine Autumn day?

It is breezy and overcast with lashings of rain, with all the patriotic outpourings this year surely this is Britain! What what ......

I am currently on the injured list and on my way to some more sadistic physiotherapy with my therapist who makes the Marquis de Sade seem like Gary Wilmot.

The best thing about all this is my quest for a suitable cane. A point worth noting is that should I keep the accent on the positive and go for a cheaper but classy goth version or look long term with an investment into a steampunk cane?

There are so many decisions, but a mans accessories need appropriate consideration.

Naturally every year, the subject of headwear comes around and would love a bowler a hat. I work in the City of London so it could become either iconic or ironic?

I do prefer to lead than follow, so shall ponder some more.

Maybe a look of Jack the Ripper wearing country tweed meets Terry Thomas with a Jules Verne twist?

Now, I am feeling that ......

Toodle pip.


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Location:Colchester

Friday, 14 September 2012

Sit down wee

Every morning, I treat myself to a sit down wee. Now before you take away my manhood and castrate me, how many guys out there do this?

I do believe that gender roles have began to shift, there will always be the extreme stereotypes from the Stepford Wife to Dave from the pub, however these are few are far between.

There is nothing more satisfying than manscaping your chest hair or moisturising after a shave, it makes you feel good, improves skin and appearance.

This is not a new phenomenon, and since the era of the 'Dandy Gentleman' with the Prince Regent and the 'Romantics' of Byron, Keats et al .... Men have evolved for the long or short of it to impress Woman.

Men are peacocks, and we would preen ourselves in accordance of todays expectations. I mean look at the youth today!

There are of course caveats to the above, which can best described as The Gene Hunt era, when woman wanted strong powerful men, some wanted to cowtail to then. However, this generation was bourne from uncertainty and the ever changing political and social landscape. I have no doubt the this will be en vogue again.

So as I sit down for this wee, and deciding that this treat maybe be pushed to twice a day, just what are woman really looking for?

Who knows, is the answer as people are really fickle. I think all you can be is a situational man, which is all things to all people.

This is a survival technique and ensure that the human race continues, a man greatest strength is one that can go from Christian Grey to Cliff Richard to Gene Hunt in three potential courting conversations in one afternoon.

The art of happiness and staying together, depends on how happy the man is at playing that role for a long time maybe forever?

Wouldn't it be a wonderful irony, if woman did this too?

The mind boggles, now how do I shake this thing without touching it?

This sit down wee thing is overrated!


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Location:Colchester

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

September 10th 2001

I have blogged about this before, however feel it is apt to do so again, as its a different perspective.

It was September 2001, and my girlfriend at the time was on a girls holiday in Greece (found out she cheated on me during this time, which was nice) and was at home. I had some annual leave and last minute decided to do my PADI diving certificate.

I looked through the teletext (old school) and picked up a weeks holiday in Egypt staying at the Taba Hilton (since been blown up by Al Queda, in an unrelated incident).

Taba is on the border to Israel, Jordan and Saudi Arabia, so you can understand it is quite the hotbed of fundamentalism. This is of course retrospective information!

I flew into Eilat in Israel on September 2001 and was coached through the border to Egypt. I had some beef on the Israeli side as they were less than friendly about my various stamps in my passport from various Arab countries, but managed to convince them that I am not a terrorist and they let me past.

Then as I was going through the Egyptian customs the same drama unfolded, but they took my passport to check it out and gave me a receipt.

Now, I have been all over the world, and this was the most jumpy that I have ever seen border control.

I contacted my travel rep back at the hotel and they said it was routine, it seems that Israel marked my passport to alert the Egyptian authorities so that my background could be checked by interpol.

This was put to one side as was assured that I would get it back the next day.

The next day was a story that everybody knows, I watched the Twin Towers being hit live in the hotel bar with a Scottish lad of similar age, quite a sobering experience.

Even more so that this was accompanied by celebratory gun fire, AK47 to be precise outside the compound, which is what hotel was to be known from that point forward.

Now, we did not have Sky TV or Fox, but had Arab TV on, who were quick to pick up on the Bin Laden connection. I would say, that it was very frightening.

The only Arab or Asian leader who made much sense was General Musharaf from Pakistan, who claimed to be a pilot and he would of found it difficult to achieve what the terrorists did. This was not reported.

So there I was, in Egypt in a compound surrounded by gunfire into the sky with a Scotsman who decided this was an appropriate time to get pished.

The next day was erie as it appeared that all the borders where closed, lots of Israeli's where also trapped in the hotel. This is because there was a casino in the hotel and in Eilat I believed these were illegal.

The foreign offices of the majority of nations had started to evacuate all of the hotel, families and females first towards Cairo for special chartered planes to there home countries.

Myself, the Scotsman and around half a dozen Israeli's where left by ourselves in the Hilton, which was fully staffed.

This was quite fun, and for quite a few day used to sit at the foot of the Mount Sinai and watch the Israeli Navy go through provocative drills whilst the life of a young soldier was told to me through the experience of my new compound crew.

One thing that sprung to mind that some of the girls (yes they have a mixed army) where quite attractive. A man will always think of his penis, no matter how stressful or hopeless the situation is.

We drank, smoked Shisha, gambled, ate, listened to gunfire, snorkelled, watched army manoeuvres and hung out for days.

The foreign office where in touch, as my girlfriend had an opportunity to pretend to be concerned for ultimate attention as she was back in the UK. ( she actually cheated on me again, during this time). My Dad however was hopeless in his attempts to get me out.

Now the borders are closed, diving is off as the decompression chamber is in Israel, so we had nothing to do other than venture out.

So we did, we took a ride to the most perfect beach with giant man made beach huts and a beach which included one metre off a drop of 80 metre of coral and some of the craziest sights ever seen in the Red Sea.

We then took a boat trip with some Egyptian sailors and watching flying rays skim across the sea with grace and elegance.

We smoked shisha in a desert bedouin tent with some dodgy looking guys and a giant Russian, who no doubt was gun running.

I fed a dolphin, albeit part of my Tuna Sandwich whilst have lunch next to the sea.

One thing we did discuss, at great length was Football. In the Bar one Scotsman (Celtic) myself (Millwall) the Israelis (Tottenham) and the Egyptians (Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal). We even got to the stage of one of the barmen bringing in his best goals DVD and everyone re-rating with full debate their favourite goals. I still say Tony Yeboah's shot which went in from the underside of the bar was the best.

Things in the hotel became quieter, the only arrivals were UN peacekeepers and they were not feeling our little club.

The borders opened on September 18th and although the planned trip to Petra was culturally the better idea, going to Eilat on the piss with our new Israeli friends seemed the better option.

So there we were in a large gay club in Eilat, where 3 hours before a car bomb had killed several people, watching a drag act without a care in the world.

The next day we left, I got my passport and then everything was serious again. When I was in Eilat's airport I was singled out for questioning and made to sit on the floor cross-legged with my hands on my head, being mildly interrogated by Mossad. I was allowed on the plane.

During the flight, we were diverted to Larnaca where the British army searched the plane, whilst again. Hands on head and sit on the tarmac.

I arrived at Luton Airport and the rest is history.

There is a moral to this story, but it just does not matter.......


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Location:Fountain Ln,,United Kingdom

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Twitter v's Facebook

I loved Facebook, had it back in the day when you threw sheep at each other , had inane status updates and created random group pages.

However over the years it has turned into just pictures of cats, memes, marketing for companies, copious amounts of invasive and addictive games and general celebrity nonsense.

Do not get me wrong animal pics are cute, memes are amusing. Although the Keep Calm and ........ Is all played out so STOP IT!

Its just, I like to use it just to see how friends and family are doing. In the good old days, if a friend was upset you could see their status straight away and pick them up. It is nice just to show you care, and you could use for the same purpose.

You got to see straight away, without effort pictures and the interaction was exciting.

The key word there, is without effort. You have to search for people now in between promoted wall posts and you just do not notice anymore. This has reverted back to pre facebook.

For a while social networking exploded into a utopian dream, we where all connected and loved hearing about someone whom I may only have shared a couple of passing sentences 20 years ago exploding with pride over their child achievement as we shared in that joy.

I do not believe it is all facebook as we changed from desktops to laptops, to mobile devices and tablets. We just do not have the interface to do what we liked to do.

I now use twitter, all my siblings are on twitter and have a direct line to them, all my posts are on twitter and they feed back onto facebook.

Everyone who I want to follow, I do and love hearing the inane ramblings, simple pictures and web links for new songs, music, videos etc..

I buy tickets through twitter, catch up on gigs, gossip and generally only have to view one platform to obtain all of my information.

One day, when facebook has left the corporate adventure it may revert back to its true purpose.

I have so much difficulty erasing mistakes of past groups that I have joined, people that I have friended (who, I do not even know).

Do not get me wrong, have met some fantastic people on there, some who I am close to and some reconnections have been very special.

I just want that back.

Now, I will be flooded with cats pictures and Zynga requests, but when the rapture comes you will be punished ; )

Follow me on twitter @scotteverest


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Location:Trafalgar Rd,Colchester,United Kingdom

Monday, 3 September 2012

Chap Hop

Greetings,

To all that know me understand that I have a penchant for the dramatic with a vampiric, gothic and steampunk twist.

A character train which people find confusing, my latest foray into the inane and unbelievable has led me to Chap Hop.

I overheard some recently at a comedy night and it resonated with me so I investigated.

The first artist for me to discover was Professor Elemental and his song 'Fighting Trousers' check out
Fight trousers

This upon listening was a diss song to Mr B The Gentleman Rhymer, which upon watching and listening is verging the ridiculous, which of course is the appeal.

It does make me yearn for such times, where an insult can be measured by the statement of 'I don't like your tweed Sir'.

Am I wrong to be drawn to the Steampunk world of curiousness? I am even considering relaunching my rap career with the Steampunk / Chap gimmick, however feel that a Jack the Ripper Horrorcore theme would be closer to my preferred style.

However I would just end up as a parody of The Mighty Boosh's 'The Hitcher' which may not be a bad thing but plagiarism all the same.

I am giving this some thought and already have a few stage names ready.

Tally ho cockle chops

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Location:Trafalgar Rd,Colchester,United Kingdom