“Action is the foundational key to all success” - Pablo Picasso
Waiting for the beat to kick in……..
I spend a lot of time thinking about my blog’s and the subject matter, sometimes a simple thought would pop into my head or in this case a memory, that thought would inspire me to plan and formulate some kind of sense and hopefully you can feel my personality come through into my writing, which is the main objective of all these postings.
The thought recollected was from probably around the Summer of 1994, myself and some friends had driven down to Lydd Airport in Kent to attend world dance, this was just a mega line up of all the worlds best DJ’s, with the event held in a large hanger with 10,000 like minded people.
If you have ever seen the film “The Butterfly effect” you will appreciate that some times even the most innocuous moments of your past which you noticed at the time but dismissed will become clear some 15 years later.
The moment which I recalled was a Euphoric song that started off quite slow, with a soft beat and a piano synthed intro, and my body was between swaying back and forth and my particular favourite move was bouncing and my tip toes up and down waiting for the beat to kick in, because then and only then I will dance.
So back to the present this moment made me think that maybe all of my life I have been waiting for the beat to kick in, but it never does. So maybe the key to becoming a success was not to wait for anything to have but to make my own beat and go along to that.
It was quite a powerful moment, which did prompt me to stop and think and make a decision that the pace of my life will now be dictated by me and me only, and the pace that will be chosen will have a beat that I will dance to and never stop.
I have spoke about love in quite a few posts so feel it is time to speak about wealth, and how to achieve a sustained harmonic and balanced wealthy lifestyle.
Becoming wealthy in all areas would include, what James Arthur Ray would call Harmonic Wealth in five areas; Spiritual, Mental, Financial, Physical and Relational.
I do believe that the same behaviour would help you achieve all of the above, so how can you do this and what should you do?
I cannot possibly know this and your circumstances, however I will talk you through my views and some parables which you may be able to relate to and maybe take something out of it.
The Ask, Believe and receive mantra has been a theme in previous blog’s which is the basic foundation of the Law of Attraction but this is now not being achieved by the fear generated by today’s media with the credit crunch, murder, terrorism, corruption, Knife Crime, Tesco’s and the worst offender of them all Chat Magazine.
Now how is Chat Magazine destroying harmonic wealth across the nation and world?
Of course this is only part of the problem and can only speak about only a small fraction of the issue, but hope you will see the underlying theme.
So back to Chat Magazine and the public enemy No 1 soul destroying column that is called “Top Text Tips!”
The offending column is an opportunity for readers to text in there top tips in saving money within the household due to the economic climate. Now one item drew my attention and was an idea to re-use a Pringles tube as a replacement for a Spaghetti Pasta Jar.
Now you will wonder just what my beef is, I have no particular issue just what this represents, but the behaviour it encourages.
Now let’s get this straight, a recession is when banks do not lend money and is linked to property – stay with me on this. An example of a recession was the start of the great depression in 1929 in America. This era is particularly interesting as more Millionaires and Entrepreneurs prospered in this time than most.
This phenomenon was created by there behaviour and that their focus was solely on creating wealth, whilst everyone else’s focus was on thriftiness and the disparity of the situation.
Now energy flows where attention goes and the attention then was on creativity.
Now back to the offending Pringle Tube, this act of thriftiness was created by one thing and one thing only and that my friend is called FEAR!
Now previously my mantra has been keeping “the accent on the positive” and will put a different spin on the whole scenario.
Now lets have two people, both have exactly the same income and roughly the same outgoings. To save time let’s just say they both have magazine subscriptions for the same amount of money but one subscribes to Chat Magazine and the other subscribes to Fortune Magazine.
They both take an active part in following the articles with the person who subscribes to chat is emotionally charged by reading about gruesome murders, sad stories about children and ways to re-use household items in pure thriftiness fashion. This person is also exposed to advertising that would appeal to their demographic.
Now the other person is reading Fortune Magazine and is exposed to institutions which offer the best rates of compound interest and opportunities to invest. The positive stories about like-minded people, who have made a success of their life, really inspire their own situation.
I believe the latter will become wealthier quicker; this will because of the investment they give themselves which will create a harmonic wealth of Spiritual, Physical, Mental, Financial and Relational.
Something that I heard many years ago which has stayed with me is something by the eminent Tom Peters which is an open question. “Do you spend each year more on your Car, or your education?” – A powerful statement.
Now the above can help with waiting for the beat to kick in but fundamentally I believe it will only kick in if you were to rid yourself completely of all negative influences.
There is an example that I will use, that will make you reconsider something that we call in England a “National Treasure” that is the sitcom “Only Fools and Horses”
Now the premise of the sitcom, which ran for decades was two brothers, one older (Del Boy) who was put in a situation to look after a younger sibling (Rodney) when his Mother died. There were supporting characters in the unique family unit firstly “Grandad” then “Uncle Albert”.
Now the business of “Del Boy” was that of Entrepreneur of let’s just say goods of questionable origin. The audience showed quite an affectionate empathy towards him as he had such a positive outlook on life and was outgoing, extrovert and personable to everybody he encountered on a day-to-day basis, a classic lovable rogue, the anti-hero and underdog.
He had a strap line (one of many) and he often quoted “this time next year we will be millionaires” we all kept our fingers crossed that this would happen.
Now this was in contrast to his younger brother “Rodney” who was reflective of his age group and came across as moronic, depressive, work shy and the opposite in every way of “Del Boy”. For every positive quip was met by a sarcastic damp squib response.
Del Boy saw as his duty to raise and protect his brother as it was at the behest of his dying mother, even if it meant not achieving his dream at pace as he often slowed down to challenge and listen to the negativity and become involved in or perpetrated an absurd situation.
Although there was a happy outcome towards the end of the sitcom (many, many years later), I often thought to myself what would have happened if he removed the negativity from his life and just went for it?
My suggestion would probably been a shorter run of the sitcom and the character may not of been as well loved as he was.
I use this as an example as when you are waiting for the beat to kick in, having negative people around you may cause you to either;
· Miss the beat
· Forget about the beat
· No longer care about the beat
· Find a different beat that could be negative
I hope you understand the above, and one simple method and one that has been revealed to me through my self education, is to remove negative people from my life, even if I love them. Just spending less time around them would improve my situation.
A simple way is to write down several lists of names one with family, one with friends, one with clients and one with colleagues. Against every name mark either a negative or a positive symbol. Then agree with yourself to spend more time with the people with a positive symbol against spending less or no time with people with a negative symbol.
I think you life will change dramatically just carrying out the above.
The last action to help you with “waiting for the beat to kick in” is something that my son Johnnie has recently inspired me to think about, and will now make a firm behaviour in my life.
This was revealed last week, and was made in an innocuous statement by the Speech and Development consultant at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital. As you know Johnnie has Apert Syndrome as is quite high on the Autism spectrum, and we were discussing that Johnnie does not really like to play with small toys, but he really enjoys bouncing, dancing and swimming.
This was explained to me and Julie that it is because he is more interested in full body experiences and that stimulates him more, I must admit that Johnnie throws himself into these physical experiences a lot and he was always more animated and creative when I was bouncing him on my knee and throwing his around the room like superman.
Some of the biggest leaps in Johnnie’s life have come from full body experiences and this continues to be his greatest outlet and opportunity of learning more skills as his gets older.
Now let’s just think about this more a moment, surely the above can be used for a metaphor for our own lives, our own experience and instead of “waiting for the beat to kick in”, we just start dancing!
Now did Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Alan Sugar all wait for the beat to kick in? Or did they all start dancing before everyone else did? Maybe everybody stopped and stared at them and made negative comments as to how stupid they looked, or that they would never be caught dancing without music.
The fully body experience, the removal of negativity and focus purely on wealth is what separates everyone who just sits and waits for the beat to kick in, to the people who create there own beat with imagination and creative vision.
Snap, bang drop the bass! The music has started and the beat has dropped and this signals everyone to dance; we are back at World Dance in Lydd Airport and it is 1994 and 9,999 people start dancing because the beat has kicked in, but guess what, the only one (me) had already started dancing before the beat.
I have the license to change my past; you have too and just did not know it, until now.
There is a lot children can teach us, However, will refrain from falling asleep with a face caked in Petis Filou and Fish Fingers – Love you Johnnie x
Now the quote on the top line; “Action is the foundational key to all success” so do not wait for the beat to kick in, kick that beat in you positive dancing wealth seeker.
Peace out.
I posted a blog this Wednesday, so click to read if you missed it. http://scotteverest.blogspot.com/2009/03/five-star-apology-and-validation.html
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Five Star Apology and Validation Experiment
“And I felt sorry, and I have felt bad about what happened”. - Monica Lewinsky
Something occurred to me today, that it was 20 years ago that one of the most shameful episodes of my life transpired.
It was April 1989, I was 14 years of age and of course, was a bit of, let’s say a clichéd teenager.
My sister (who was 10) and I were watching Saturday morning television and enjoying Going Live, when to my horror Five Star was appearing in the phone in live. Now why was this to my horror? At the time Five Star, were my sister’s favourite band and proved to be quite annoying to a pubescent teenager.
A bit of history, or even some recognition of my plight with other older siblings, my sister, if she liked something her main tribute to it was to watch it daily (repeatedly , we are talking Grease 1 & 2, Dirty Dancing or Care Bears the Movie! I have lost count of the times when I have been subjected to such things and still very emotionally scarred. (Will EFT this later)
However back to the story, I thought that this is an opportunity to get back at my sister for my torment and then to transfer my anger towards Five Star, the proverbial two birds one stone jobbies.
I dialled the number; then to my amazement go through and was put on the spot and was asked my name and where I was from. The where I was from part is something that I do not recall saying, but my name was derived from the boy from ET (Eliot) and Dexter (Fletcher) from press gang. (I am amused every time one of his films comes on TV)
I put on a young accent for the phone in on the show so that everything would appear normal and the moment came and was put through.
I urge you all to click the link as it is immortalised on you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg_s6aOp23M
I did panic for a bit, my sister ran upstairs crying and threatened to tell Mother, and thought that the police were coming to get me. My Mum was working so I was at the time the responsible person in the house looking after my sister Stacey and my 5 year old brother Dean, who just used to talk and play with himself all day, so was not much trouble.
The point at the time was of course to take pleasure in abusing someone, and some kind of sibling revenge on my sister but in all honesty I did not feel good after it at all.
I have regaled this story across the land and revelled in the legendary status that it afforded me within my peer group. So when this behaviour is validated by your friends what do you do next? Yep you carry on that behaviour because you think it is acceptable.
I have touched on this subject before in a previous blog and my journey to my success but now of course, is my apology.
Dear Denise, Doris, Lorraine, Stedman and Delroy (Five Star)
I “Scott Everest” apologises and am deeply sorry for my behaviour, the opportunity to be on “Going live” was to promote yourselves to a young audience and to entertain and brighten your fans lives.
This was ruined by me, because of my juvenile behaviour and in retrospect there is nothing that can change what has happened.
However in your honour and to preserve your legacy there is an experiment that will be carried out in your name. This is called the Five Star Validations.
I and others who want to heel negative relationships will validate Five things about them and to demonstrate how we feel and the positive things we see about them.
I trust that everyone who reads my blog’s will provide some validation to any person who they want to re-heal a relationship with.
My five Star Validations (one for each of you)
1. Stedman – I admire the dedication and effort you take on your appearance
Something occurred to me today, that it was 20 years ago that one of the most shameful episodes of my life transpired.
It was April 1989, I was 14 years of age and of course, was a bit of, let’s say a clichéd teenager.
My sister (who was 10) and I were watching Saturday morning television and enjoying Going Live, when to my horror Five Star was appearing in the phone in live. Now why was this to my horror? At the time Five Star, were my sister’s favourite band and proved to be quite annoying to a pubescent teenager.
A bit of history, or even some recognition of my plight with other older siblings, my sister, if she liked something her main tribute to it was to watch it daily (repeatedly , we are talking Grease 1 & 2, Dirty Dancing or Care Bears the Movie! I have lost count of the times when I have been subjected to such things and still very emotionally scarred. (Will EFT this later)
However back to the story, I thought that this is an opportunity to get back at my sister for my torment and then to transfer my anger towards Five Star, the proverbial two birds one stone jobbies.
I dialled the number; then to my amazement go through and was put on the spot and was asked my name and where I was from. The where I was from part is something that I do not recall saying, but my name was derived from the boy from ET (Eliot) and Dexter (Fletcher) from press gang. (I am amused every time one of his films comes on TV)
I put on a young accent for the phone in on the show so that everything would appear normal and the moment came and was put through.
I urge you all to click the link as it is immortalised on you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg_s6aOp23M
I did panic for a bit, my sister ran upstairs crying and threatened to tell Mother, and thought that the police were coming to get me. My Mum was working so I was at the time the responsible person in the house looking after my sister Stacey and my 5 year old brother Dean, who just used to talk and play with himself all day, so was not much trouble.
The point at the time was of course to take pleasure in abusing someone, and some kind of sibling revenge on my sister but in all honesty I did not feel good after it at all.
I have regaled this story across the land and revelled in the legendary status that it afforded me within my peer group. So when this behaviour is validated by your friends what do you do next? Yep you carry on that behaviour because you think it is acceptable.
I have touched on this subject before in a previous blog and my journey to my success but now of course, is my apology.
Dear Denise, Doris, Lorraine, Stedman and Delroy (Five Star)
I “Scott Everest” apologises and am deeply sorry for my behaviour, the opportunity to be on “Going live” was to promote yourselves to a young audience and to entertain and brighten your fans lives.
This was ruined by me, because of my juvenile behaviour and in retrospect there is nothing that can change what has happened.
However in your honour and to preserve your legacy there is an experiment that will be carried out in your name. This is called the Five Star Validations.
I and others who want to heel negative relationships will validate Five things about them and to demonstrate how we feel and the positive things we see about them.
I trust that everyone who reads my blog’s will provide some validation to any person who they want to re-heal a relationship with.
My five Star Validations (one for each of you)
1. Stedman – I admire the dedication and effort you take on your appearance
2. Delroy – The melodies that you provided when producing the music inspired a generation of young people to dance
3. Denise – Your performance in the new west end musical – Thriller is a combination of your hard work, dedication to song writing and talent
4. Doris – As a choreographer you brought the medium of dance to a whole generation and inspired many with your innovative movements.
5. Lorraine – As the spokes person of the group you were the public voice and your new career as a writer will carry your voice for generations to come.
So although even this still amuses me to this day my behaviour still does not make me feel good about myself. These are two different states.
I have released the negative feeling that was experienced but to write the above validations has drawn the line underneath and can now move on.
There is so much to apologise for in life but one of my affirmation is “Scott, just don’t beat yourself up about stuff” the best way to apologise is to live my life better each day and create more positivism.
The link, for the Five Star Validation Facebook group is below. So invite your friends, as would love to read about your validations.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=59927528228&ref=mf
I did promise a lighter posting today so hope you enjoyed this short but hopefully powerful blog.
Releasing negative emotions is something that is of primary interest to me and two methods I have used are;
Sedona Method – click link http://www.sedona.com/html/What-Is-the-Sedona-Method.aspx
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique – click link http://www.emofree.com/
Hope the above works out for you, there is lots of free materials you can get on emotional release. Let me know how you get on and please leave feedback on the blog.
“Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation”. - Michael Jordan
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Cancer
“Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't” – Richard Back
A quick note for everybody who read my last blog; a Christian fatwa may not be necessary as I concede you are right. Everything that you believe and everything that I believe is correct! Our own individual perception is reality.
Let’s just be friends : ) put all your hateful energy towards love xxxxxxxx
Cancer; a nice cheery subject, but due to today’s news with Jade Goody sadly passing away it was time to bring forward a planned blog.
Information on Jade Goody, for my international readers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jade_Goody
I would like to state that what Jade went through (cervical cancer) I can never understand how she felt, or how anyone feels or experiences. All that I can do is talk about my own experience.
“My own experience”, what? now you are all intrigued well let’s get this party started.
It was spring 2000 that I finally worked up the courage to speak with my doctor, like all men my limiting belief was that Doctors only care about the Elderly, Children and Female adults. You see I was 25 years old and suppose to be in my prime so a visit to the doctor would in my mind be met with the usual disdain.
The reason that I had to see the doctor was that I had a lump on my right chest; this lump had been there for around 3 years. I of course had become quite conscious of this lump and developed a nervous tick whereupon I would pull upon the material of whatever top that I was wearing between the breastbone as the lump was quite pronounced.
The doctor examined me and quite surprisingly did not send me away but referred me to the breast care clinic in James Pagent Hospital in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk.
Naturally of course this was kept very private as there does seem to be quite a stigma with this sort of thing with men, and assumed that my situation would be aptly mocked by both friends and colleagues alike.
I kept the appointment and attended the surgery at the hospital, the waiting room as you would expect was full of a wide age range of female patients with the exception of me. There was high volume of nurse support on hand to assist emotionally where required.
My name was called, even if my appointment was 2 hours prior there were of course cases of a higher priority before me. I was asked to go to a cubicle and not the private consultation room as every other patient had been invited too. The cubicle has a consultant surgeon awaiting me with an added gathering of student doctors. The pleasantries were exchanged about if there presence would be a problem, naturally you dare not disagree.
The examination took place and the surgeon showed concern about the lump and again asked my permission if some of the students could also examine me and he invited them to examine me. I did find this humiliating.
An open quiz then ensued with a star prize (the surgeons respect was the bonus) all were invited to guess what the “man” has. I listened to opinions from cysts to fatal tumours and man boobs to excess fluid. To my joy no-one was right as the surgeon pulled a swerve on them all and stated that there was no way of knowing and that my age and gender suggested that it was probably not cancer but he needed a biopsy or removal of the lump for further investigation. He also kindly suggested that he will book me in for surgery within the next 12 weeks.
I did appreciate that after a few minutes he addressed me personally, the conversation began to feel like an out of body experience so the following explanation (dumbed down) was of course sarcastically received.
After hearing my diagnosis from the fastest buzzer game show, I was led from the cubicle and informed that a date for the operation would be sent to me in due course and that a week before the operation would be required to have an ultrasound in a pre op clinic.
I was in a daze and quite frightened and isolated, my journey past all the nurses and volunteers who were on hand to counsel the recently diagnosed with family and to offer support was quick, and quite glad that no one reached out to help me, stop me or advise me on what to expect.
I am a Man and this should be easy to handle, right?
So what did I do next? You guessed it. NOTHING!
I told no-one, this was not for want of trying as desperately wanted to speak about it, but the stigma of the situation would have brought me derision, this was my limiting belief.
This went on for 6-months, until one day which cannot be explained the urge to live was overwhelming. In reflection now 9 years later, I feel that this was probably the time that I let go of the negative emotions attached to my experience and the loss of this feeling was immediately replaced with a lease for life. This was the start of my own personal mantra of “keeping the accent on the positive” this has been in the metaphor of a wave in my life for many years and will conquer this and will have a calm sea to journey across when I choose too.
I made the call and accepted the situation and an appointment was made for my operation, for September 14th 2000.
I attended the pre operation clinic and the ultrasound warranted an operation to determine what was there, although there was a low risk of cancer no additional treatment was deemed necessary.
The night before the operation I was supposed to shave the right part of my chest to assist in the surgery. All those who know me may of notice that I am quite hirsute. My chest hair makes Chewbacca look like Yul Bryner, so this was a challenge.
The next day was the operation and was admitted to the ward, the surgeon came around to visit me and to my annoyance brought with him the posse of acne scarred, middle England, socially inept future of our country to molester my dignity.
The examination went true to form and the surgeon kindly drew on my freshly shaved chest and proceeded to circle, in a blue Biro the “lump”.
The humiliation will hopefully soon end, so in the next hour went into theatre.
This part of the story is of course missing but the result was awaking to find that the surgeon had given me a full mastectomy of my right chest and removed a large section of muscle in the same area. Also attached to me was a large chest drain which was full of flowing blood.
The nurse who explained this to me had of course had the spirit of Florence Nightingale ground out of her soul and was just going through the motions.
The situation had kind of escalated, I was alone, frightened and craved even for a Kathy Bates character out of misery. I would have accepted the sledgehammer to the legs just for conversation.
The vision of me leaving the hospital within the proposed 24-hours seemed to be unlikely; my current girlfriend had expectedly fell apart and sought solace in drink (found out a year later that she cheated on me that night as well). I of course lay alone and did not have any visitors.
The next day was Friday and still had a drain full of blood that had not shown signs of slowing down so the nurses informed me that will have to stay over the weekend. The bad news was that the ward was closing over the weekend so will have to me moved to a general emergency admissions ward.
On Friday afternoon the surgeon finally came to see me on his ward rounds and explained the process and that he removed a lump which he sent for a biopsy but he removed everything just to be on the safe side. Unfortunately during the operation they found it necessary to fully remove my nipple and reattach without the majority of nerve endings, this was of course mentioned jovially that “breast feeding” is now out! The drain was inserted due to bleeding in the surrounding area but will subside within the next 12-hours.
There were some more pleasantries mostly involving the Olympics and was walking out of the door then came back to mention that I will never be able to have 100% dexterity in my right arm again due to the muscle being removed. He then excused himself as he usually does a second ward round for patients in his care.
That was my only visit and was discharged on the Monday morning 18th September 2000, my drain had cleared and the nurses asked me to count to 3 and on 1 pulled the 5 inch drain from my chest. I had gained some strength and was determined to convalesce at home. I could not lift my feet but shuffled determinedly out of the hospital, my back stooped with my right arm in an elevated sling and head tingling after my prescription of pethidine and antibiotics.
The first day I had to be helped on occasion to the toilet and needed help to wash all the dried blood and iodine from my chest and arm, a task that could not be done with a trembling arm.
I was signed of work for 3-weeks and quite fortunately had the pleasure of resting in a bed settee in front of the Television watching the Sydney Olympics.
There were some visitors and two colleagues from work came to see me, and appreciated that (Paula Randall and Sue Griffiths) sadly not one of my so called friends came, I don’t blame them, as the stigma attached to what my condition entailed, made it a complicated social situation to deal with. I did not encounter derision but something worse, Apathy.
I returned to work 10 days after my operation, the need for social acceptance did seem to be more of an overriding issue that the pain I was in. The humiliation had to be confronted although the most painful was yet to come.
I was phoned by the Head Office of the company of my employment to question my sick note; they intimated that it must have been fake? as how can a man have a mastectomy? My defence of my situation which I had lived through had to be acknowledged and my curt reply reinforced its validity.
A few weeks later a letter explaining the biopsy results came back with “Benign” an expected outcome as never thought it would be anything else.
The reason for writing about the topic and especially something that is personal to me is that Cancer (not in my case) could happen to anyone and you have a duty to look after yourself, get tested regularly and act immediately.
My story and its tone was not to draw sympathy, the lasting side affects is only 99% mobility in my right arm, a caved in right chest and the inability to breast feed from my right nipple which has no feeling whatsoever.
It was a life changing experience that was not appreciated at the time and did not learn any lessons, as the very next year almost to the day on September 11th 2001 was held under house arrest in an Egyptian Hotel due to the 9/11 incident in America. The area was bordered by Israel, Saudi Arabia and Jordan. The home office arranged for me to be transported to Eilat in Israel and to be flown home. (Note to self: if you visit multiple Arab countries, have two passports)
The above is a whole blog in itself and the crazy things that kept happening every year until I realised what my life purpose was.
I am here today, because it is what I'm supposed to do! The opening quote kind of reminds me of the dignity that some people have in death and what you can achieve.
Whatever you feelings are towards Jade Goody and she did polarize opinion, just what would YOU do?
Cancer can happen to anyone, it can cut between class and in my case gender so be happy, be healthy, do something new everyday and enjoy life.
My next blog will be lighter, and a quite comical admission.
A quick note for everybody who read my last blog; a Christian fatwa may not be necessary as I concede you are right. Everything that you believe and everything that I believe is correct! Our own individual perception is reality.
Let’s just be friends : ) put all your hateful energy towards love xxxxxxxx
Cancer; a nice cheery subject, but due to today’s news with Jade Goody sadly passing away it was time to bring forward a planned blog.
Information on Jade Goody, for my international readers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jade_Goody
I would like to state that what Jade went through (cervical cancer) I can never understand how she felt, or how anyone feels or experiences. All that I can do is talk about my own experience.
“My own experience”, what? now you are all intrigued well let’s get this party started.
It was spring 2000 that I finally worked up the courage to speak with my doctor, like all men my limiting belief was that Doctors only care about the Elderly, Children and Female adults. You see I was 25 years old and suppose to be in my prime so a visit to the doctor would in my mind be met with the usual disdain.
The reason that I had to see the doctor was that I had a lump on my right chest; this lump had been there for around 3 years. I of course had become quite conscious of this lump and developed a nervous tick whereupon I would pull upon the material of whatever top that I was wearing between the breastbone as the lump was quite pronounced.
The doctor examined me and quite surprisingly did not send me away but referred me to the breast care clinic in James Pagent Hospital in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk.
Naturally of course this was kept very private as there does seem to be quite a stigma with this sort of thing with men, and assumed that my situation would be aptly mocked by both friends and colleagues alike.
I kept the appointment and attended the surgery at the hospital, the waiting room as you would expect was full of a wide age range of female patients with the exception of me. There was high volume of nurse support on hand to assist emotionally where required.
My name was called, even if my appointment was 2 hours prior there were of course cases of a higher priority before me. I was asked to go to a cubicle and not the private consultation room as every other patient had been invited too. The cubicle has a consultant surgeon awaiting me with an added gathering of student doctors. The pleasantries were exchanged about if there presence would be a problem, naturally you dare not disagree.
The examination took place and the surgeon showed concern about the lump and again asked my permission if some of the students could also examine me and he invited them to examine me. I did find this humiliating.
An open quiz then ensued with a star prize (the surgeons respect was the bonus) all were invited to guess what the “man” has. I listened to opinions from cysts to fatal tumours and man boobs to excess fluid. To my joy no-one was right as the surgeon pulled a swerve on them all and stated that there was no way of knowing and that my age and gender suggested that it was probably not cancer but he needed a biopsy or removal of the lump for further investigation. He also kindly suggested that he will book me in for surgery within the next 12 weeks.
I did appreciate that after a few minutes he addressed me personally, the conversation began to feel like an out of body experience so the following explanation (dumbed down) was of course sarcastically received.
After hearing my diagnosis from the fastest buzzer game show, I was led from the cubicle and informed that a date for the operation would be sent to me in due course and that a week before the operation would be required to have an ultrasound in a pre op clinic.
I was in a daze and quite frightened and isolated, my journey past all the nurses and volunteers who were on hand to counsel the recently diagnosed with family and to offer support was quick, and quite glad that no one reached out to help me, stop me or advise me on what to expect.
I am a Man and this should be easy to handle, right?
So what did I do next? You guessed it. NOTHING!
I told no-one, this was not for want of trying as desperately wanted to speak about it, but the stigma of the situation would have brought me derision, this was my limiting belief.
This went on for 6-months, until one day which cannot be explained the urge to live was overwhelming. In reflection now 9 years later, I feel that this was probably the time that I let go of the negative emotions attached to my experience and the loss of this feeling was immediately replaced with a lease for life. This was the start of my own personal mantra of “keeping the accent on the positive” this has been in the metaphor of a wave in my life for many years and will conquer this and will have a calm sea to journey across when I choose too.
I made the call and accepted the situation and an appointment was made for my operation, for September 14th 2000.
I attended the pre operation clinic and the ultrasound warranted an operation to determine what was there, although there was a low risk of cancer no additional treatment was deemed necessary.
The night before the operation I was supposed to shave the right part of my chest to assist in the surgery. All those who know me may of notice that I am quite hirsute. My chest hair makes Chewbacca look like Yul Bryner, so this was a challenge.
The next day was the operation and was admitted to the ward, the surgeon came around to visit me and to my annoyance brought with him the posse of acne scarred, middle England, socially inept future of our country to molester my dignity.
The examination went true to form and the surgeon kindly drew on my freshly shaved chest and proceeded to circle, in a blue Biro the “lump”.
The humiliation will hopefully soon end, so in the next hour went into theatre.
This part of the story is of course missing but the result was awaking to find that the surgeon had given me a full mastectomy of my right chest and removed a large section of muscle in the same area. Also attached to me was a large chest drain which was full of flowing blood.
The nurse who explained this to me had of course had the spirit of Florence Nightingale ground out of her soul and was just going through the motions.
The situation had kind of escalated, I was alone, frightened and craved even for a Kathy Bates character out of misery. I would have accepted the sledgehammer to the legs just for conversation.
The vision of me leaving the hospital within the proposed 24-hours seemed to be unlikely; my current girlfriend had expectedly fell apart and sought solace in drink (found out a year later that she cheated on me that night as well). I of course lay alone and did not have any visitors.
The next day was Friday and still had a drain full of blood that had not shown signs of slowing down so the nurses informed me that will have to stay over the weekend. The bad news was that the ward was closing over the weekend so will have to me moved to a general emergency admissions ward.
On Friday afternoon the surgeon finally came to see me on his ward rounds and explained the process and that he removed a lump which he sent for a biopsy but he removed everything just to be on the safe side. Unfortunately during the operation they found it necessary to fully remove my nipple and reattach without the majority of nerve endings, this was of course mentioned jovially that “breast feeding” is now out! The drain was inserted due to bleeding in the surrounding area but will subside within the next 12-hours.
There were some more pleasantries mostly involving the Olympics and was walking out of the door then came back to mention that I will never be able to have 100% dexterity in my right arm again due to the muscle being removed. He then excused himself as he usually does a second ward round for patients in his care.
That was my only visit and was discharged on the Monday morning 18th September 2000, my drain had cleared and the nurses asked me to count to 3 and on 1 pulled the 5 inch drain from my chest. I had gained some strength and was determined to convalesce at home. I could not lift my feet but shuffled determinedly out of the hospital, my back stooped with my right arm in an elevated sling and head tingling after my prescription of pethidine and antibiotics.
The first day I had to be helped on occasion to the toilet and needed help to wash all the dried blood and iodine from my chest and arm, a task that could not be done with a trembling arm.
I was signed of work for 3-weeks and quite fortunately had the pleasure of resting in a bed settee in front of the Television watching the Sydney Olympics.
There were some visitors and two colleagues from work came to see me, and appreciated that (Paula Randall and Sue Griffiths) sadly not one of my so called friends came, I don’t blame them, as the stigma attached to what my condition entailed, made it a complicated social situation to deal with. I did not encounter derision but something worse, Apathy.
I returned to work 10 days after my operation, the need for social acceptance did seem to be more of an overriding issue that the pain I was in. The humiliation had to be confronted although the most painful was yet to come.
I was phoned by the Head Office of the company of my employment to question my sick note; they intimated that it must have been fake? as how can a man have a mastectomy? My defence of my situation which I had lived through had to be acknowledged and my curt reply reinforced its validity.
A few weeks later a letter explaining the biopsy results came back with “Benign” an expected outcome as never thought it would be anything else.
The reason for writing about the topic and especially something that is personal to me is that Cancer (not in my case) could happen to anyone and you have a duty to look after yourself, get tested regularly and act immediately.
My story and its tone was not to draw sympathy, the lasting side affects is only 99% mobility in my right arm, a caved in right chest and the inability to breast feed from my right nipple which has no feeling whatsoever.
It was a life changing experience that was not appreciated at the time and did not learn any lessons, as the very next year almost to the day on September 11th 2001 was held under house arrest in an Egyptian Hotel due to the 9/11 incident in America. The area was bordered by Israel, Saudi Arabia and Jordan. The home office arranged for me to be transported to Eilat in Israel and to be flown home. (Note to self: if you visit multiple Arab countries, have two passports)
The above is a whole blog in itself and the crazy things that kept happening every year until I realised what my life purpose was.
I am here today, because it is what I'm supposed to do! The opening quote kind of reminds me of the dignity that some people have in death and what you can achieve.
Whatever you feelings are towards Jade Goody and she did polarize opinion, just what would YOU do?
Cancer can happen to anyone, it can cut between class and in my case gender so be happy, be healthy, do something new everyday and enjoy life.
My next blog will be lighter, and a quite comical admission.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Faith V's Religion
“Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe”. Voltaire
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife”. Douglas Adams
“I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ”. Mohandas Gandhi
Let’s get things right, this blog is not an attack on your God, just my view and inane ramblings on the universe.
The theme of this blog is Faith V’s Religion; the same thing you will probably say?
I would like to summarise my conclusion now at the beginning of this writing so that I do not polarize you all or antagonize.
Faith is the personal view you have, on how your moral compass should be set, which has been influenced by your parents, peers and environment.
Religion is a view enforced by someone’s teachings and interpretation of events with the same message slanted according to whatever denomination your parents, peers or partner belongs.
A quote to bridge these two together was by the eminent Dr Wayne D Dyer who said we should lead our lives being not so much Christian but being Christ-Like. This of course is re-enforced by Ghandi’s quote above.
To describe faith you have to use the model of Jesus, and feel that in the context of this blog he is a good of example as any.
Now this dude was bowling around the manor about 2000 years ago, basically in short telling everyone about the message of love and forgiveness. He seemed a pretty non threatening happy guy who was dripping head to toe with empathy.
To bring Ghandi back into the equation he was once asked is he has a message he replied “my life is my message” this of course is what Jesus intended that if he lived his life as his intended message of love, tolerance, empathy and forgiveness then this would inspire others.
I believe we are all born with a natural ability to know what is right and wrong, we of course are fallible but the laws of man will act as a visual reminder and guidance towards the morality of our actions.
This of course leads us to religion.
I suppose because man is fallible that there is religion; the relevance of large pointy hats, robes, incense and ceremonies is lost on me. However I do see the irony that every act, costume or places of worship have been borrowed from so called Pagan religions.
I am a hypocrite as do of course love visiting churches for there architecture and pomposity (I love the eccentricity), my favourite Cathedral has to be Norwich in Norfolk, this is because every pew is decorated with pagan inscriptions and it send the whole building into one contradiction after another. This explains my desire to lead a complicated life to hide the simplistic things from my own subconscious.
Western Religions are of course mostly based on the bible including Mormonism which a guy called Joseph Smith Jr. pulled out secret seer stones from a stovepipe hat.
The bible describes a series of events from the creation of the universe in Genesis to the revelations and end of days.
I will now attempt to document from memory the events from the bible and including some modern events.
· God create the Earth and surroundings in 6-days and on Sunday he kicked back and chillaxed
· He put Adam and Eve on the Forest Moon of Endor with an apple tree and a serpent
· Eve ate an apple because of the serpent was banging on about it, and died.
· Erm…….
· Noah gathered up some animals because there was going to be a flood because Cornwall county council still have not done anything about defences. The flood was caused by the Death Star blowing up nearby Alderan and the shockwaves knocked out the moons orbit.
· Moses went up a mountain and received the 12 commandments; on the way down he tripped on his sandals and dropped one of the stones. It was ok as the two commandments were 11 – Do not start pointless drawn out ceremonies in my honour 12- Do not start wars in my name
· Ben Hur, Spartacus, and Maximus took on the Roman Army and ended up dying
· The nativity story and three kings gave Jesus some presents; a donkey and a virgin were involved. Also a lunatic called Herod killed every first born male baby
· A bit of a gap!
· Jesus (the only sensible one in the book) got his game on and spread love and the message of positive thinking.
· Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days and nights and the horrid visions of Beezlebub tried to tempt him.
· Palm Sunday and Shrove Tuesday happened and Jesus ate pancakes.
· People started getting jealous of Jesus and Judas stitched him up, and some dudes (even I won’t go there!) put him on some jumped up charge, and to quell the mob Pontius Pilate decided to crucify him alongside “Brian” of the Peoples Front of Judea.
· Jesus come back from the dead and rose to heaven
· Loads of his disciples wrote dozens of conflicting stories of what happened.
· The crusades where armies fought there way to reclaim the Holy Land to destroy all political enemies of the Pope.
· The Spanish inquisition and torture and murder of all non converts
· The Witch finder General burns all supposed witches
· World War II which religious drive is similar to the past two events (I did pull Hitler and Catholicism from blog)
· The world will end and the Rapture will release all the righteous to Heaven, this is judgement day when the Cylons destroy the Earth and everyone escapes on Battle-star Gallactica
· The end
I apologise for being flippant but the above was intentional, as one thing we cannot change is that perception is reality, this is for every individual in the world today. Wars happen when people with similar or exact views conspire to change someone else’s view and do this with force.
Religion has been the basis for most wars and the willingness to defend the faith of each side involved has led to loss of life on a massive scale.
We have to break it down to the original message, Christianity was derived from the teachings of Christ and these teachings surely about love, empathy and forgiveness.
At this stage please click the following link and listen to the song; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcGB7dJY0Vg
In the previous posts my journey has been documented towards becoming a better person, I have read Richard Dawkins “The God Delusion” which was all well and good but I do understand that the metaphor of God is in the centre of our internal moral compass. This brought me to remember what Voltaire stated about faith (quote on first line). The attached video or song was first heard after reading “The God Delusion” makes me think.
I do believe that “God” is our own subconscious self, this is just a metaphor but one that does conjure up a romantic notion and a feeling of security (Faith). If this feeling develops into Fear or not being accepted into a reality as detailed from an ancient book then you turn to religion.
My previous posts talked of Comfort and silence and these states are free from fear as you have great faith in your own self.
Religion is not evil but it is not a contusive part of your life when the practice, teachings and ceremonies leave you in a state of fear. The real goal of religion is to encourage you to live in accordance to the moral teachings.
I am not advocating becoming an Atheist; I tried this one for a while and decided that actually I did believe in one deity which was me! Not with ego but with an assured belief that my destiny is controlled by me and me alone.
Alongside religion there is also a growing denomination that has afflicted the youth and indigent conspirators and that is Nihilism, which will feature heavily in my next post.
These guys believed in nothing, no laws and even state that morality does not exist this of course is characterised in the works of Friedrich Nietzsche who advocated such things. This was backed up by what we call Platonism and his version of utopia in his book “Republic”.
All the above concepts will be explored in my most ambitious blog of “social conditioning”
So in summary the title of the blog is Faith V’s Religion, in all but name they both have the same purpose but Faith is something that is based on your own experiences which turns on your inner moral compass.
Religion in my eyes has been taken out of context and the original well meaning message lost amongst pomp, corruption and over complicated ceremonies.
I guess that you are interested in what my beliefs are? Well being a modern day Jedi is not truly accurate and in reality, practices more “Secular Spirituality” and very interested in “Transcendental Idealism” but as always on a journey and will explore all sources. In the past have moved between Agnostics to Nihilism but guess that makes me unpredictable. The cross denomination teachings of Dr Michael Beckwith are also a sense of inspiration parallel with the acceptance of English Spiritualism which to all my kids has all been christened.
I do however believe in The Universe; sometimes known as Ziggy Stardust and his messenger “The Star man” The 1972 Doctrines resonate within my soul and base my life on its message.
Click here for musical accompaniment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4XanKGvr3w
“Star Man”
Goodbye love
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife”. Douglas Adams
“I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ”. Mohandas Gandhi
Let’s get things right, this blog is not an attack on your God, just my view and inane ramblings on the universe.
The theme of this blog is Faith V’s Religion; the same thing you will probably say?
I would like to summarise my conclusion now at the beginning of this writing so that I do not polarize you all or antagonize.
Faith is the personal view you have, on how your moral compass should be set, which has been influenced by your parents, peers and environment.
Religion is a view enforced by someone’s teachings and interpretation of events with the same message slanted according to whatever denomination your parents, peers or partner belongs.
A quote to bridge these two together was by the eminent Dr Wayne D Dyer who said we should lead our lives being not so much Christian but being Christ-Like. This of course is re-enforced by Ghandi’s quote above.
To describe faith you have to use the model of Jesus, and feel that in the context of this blog he is a good of example as any.
Now this dude was bowling around the manor about 2000 years ago, basically in short telling everyone about the message of love and forgiveness. He seemed a pretty non threatening happy guy who was dripping head to toe with empathy.
To bring Ghandi back into the equation he was once asked is he has a message he replied “my life is my message” this of course is what Jesus intended that if he lived his life as his intended message of love, tolerance, empathy and forgiveness then this would inspire others.
I believe we are all born with a natural ability to know what is right and wrong, we of course are fallible but the laws of man will act as a visual reminder and guidance towards the morality of our actions.
This of course leads us to religion.
I suppose because man is fallible that there is religion; the relevance of large pointy hats, robes, incense and ceremonies is lost on me. However I do see the irony that every act, costume or places of worship have been borrowed from so called Pagan religions.
I am a hypocrite as do of course love visiting churches for there architecture and pomposity (I love the eccentricity), my favourite Cathedral has to be Norwich in Norfolk, this is because every pew is decorated with pagan inscriptions and it send the whole building into one contradiction after another. This explains my desire to lead a complicated life to hide the simplistic things from my own subconscious.
Western Religions are of course mostly based on the bible including Mormonism which a guy called Joseph Smith Jr. pulled out secret seer stones from a stovepipe hat.
The bible describes a series of events from the creation of the universe in Genesis to the revelations and end of days.
I will now attempt to document from memory the events from the bible and including some modern events.
· God create the Earth and surroundings in 6-days and on Sunday he kicked back and chillaxed
· He put Adam and Eve on the Forest Moon of Endor with an apple tree and a serpent
· Eve ate an apple because of the serpent was banging on about it, and died.
· Erm…….
· Noah gathered up some animals because there was going to be a flood because Cornwall county council still have not done anything about defences. The flood was caused by the Death Star blowing up nearby Alderan and the shockwaves knocked out the moons orbit.
· Moses went up a mountain and received the 12 commandments; on the way down he tripped on his sandals and dropped one of the stones. It was ok as the two commandments were 11 – Do not start pointless drawn out ceremonies in my honour 12- Do not start wars in my name
· Ben Hur, Spartacus, and Maximus took on the Roman Army and ended up dying
· The nativity story and three kings gave Jesus some presents; a donkey and a virgin were involved. Also a lunatic called Herod killed every first born male baby
· A bit of a gap!
· Jesus (the only sensible one in the book) got his game on and spread love and the message of positive thinking.
· Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days and nights and the horrid visions of Beezlebub tried to tempt him.
· Palm Sunday and Shrove Tuesday happened and Jesus ate pancakes.
· People started getting jealous of Jesus and Judas stitched him up, and some dudes (even I won’t go there!) put him on some jumped up charge, and to quell the mob Pontius Pilate decided to crucify him alongside “Brian” of the Peoples Front of Judea.
· Jesus come back from the dead and rose to heaven
· Loads of his disciples wrote dozens of conflicting stories of what happened.
· The crusades where armies fought there way to reclaim the Holy Land to destroy all political enemies of the Pope.
· The Spanish inquisition and torture and murder of all non converts
· The Witch finder General burns all supposed witches
· World War II which religious drive is similar to the past two events (I did pull Hitler and Catholicism from blog)
· The world will end and the Rapture will release all the righteous to Heaven, this is judgement day when the Cylons destroy the Earth and everyone escapes on Battle-star Gallactica
· The end
I apologise for being flippant but the above was intentional, as one thing we cannot change is that perception is reality, this is for every individual in the world today. Wars happen when people with similar or exact views conspire to change someone else’s view and do this with force.
Religion has been the basis for most wars and the willingness to defend the faith of each side involved has led to loss of life on a massive scale.
We have to break it down to the original message, Christianity was derived from the teachings of Christ and these teachings surely about love, empathy and forgiveness.
At this stage please click the following link and listen to the song; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcGB7dJY0Vg
In the previous posts my journey has been documented towards becoming a better person, I have read Richard Dawkins “The God Delusion” which was all well and good but I do understand that the metaphor of God is in the centre of our internal moral compass. This brought me to remember what Voltaire stated about faith (quote on first line). The attached video or song was first heard after reading “The God Delusion” makes me think.
I do believe that “God” is our own subconscious self, this is just a metaphor but one that does conjure up a romantic notion and a feeling of security (Faith). If this feeling develops into Fear or not being accepted into a reality as detailed from an ancient book then you turn to religion.
My previous posts talked of Comfort and silence and these states are free from fear as you have great faith in your own self.
Religion is not evil but it is not a contusive part of your life when the practice, teachings and ceremonies leave you in a state of fear. The real goal of religion is to encourage you to live in accordance to the moral teachings.
I am not advocating becoming an Atheist; I tried this one for a while and decided that actually I did believe in one deity which was me! Not with ego but with an assured belief that my destiny is controlled by me and me alone.
Alongside religion there is also a growing denomination that has afflicted the youth and indigent conspirators and that is Nihilism, which will feature heavily in my next post.
These guys believed in nothing, no laws and even state that morality does not exist this of course is characterised in the works of Friedrich Nietzsche who advocated such things. This was backed up by what we call Platonism and his version of utopia in his book “Republic”.
All the above concepts will be explored in my most ambitious blog of “social conditioning”
So in summary the title of the blog is Faith V’s Religion, in all but name they both have the same purpose but Faith is something that is based on your own experiences which turns on your inner moral compass.
Religion in my eyes has been taken out of context and the original well meaning message lost amongst pomp, corruption and over complicated ceremonies.
I guess that you are interested in what my beliefs are? Well being a modern day Jedi is not truly accurate and in reality, practices more “Secular Spirituality” and very interested in “Transcendental Idealism” but as always on a journey and will explore all sources. In the past have moved between Agnostics to Nihilism but guess that makes me unpredictable. The cross denomination teachings of Dr Michael Beckwith are also a sense of inspiration parallel with the acceptance of English Spiritualism which to all my kids has all been christened.
I do however believe in The Universe; sometimes known as Ziggy Stardust and his messenger “The Star man” The 1972 Doctrines resonate within my soul and base my life on its message.
Click here for musical accompaniment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4XanKGvr3w
“Star Man”
Goodbye love
Didn’t know what time it was the lights were low oh
howI leaned back on my radio oh oh
Some cat was laying down some rock n roll lotta soul,
he saidThen the loud sound did seem to fade a ade
Came back like a slow voice on a wave of phase ha haze
That weren’t no d.j. that was hazy cosmic jive
There’s a star man waiting in the sky
Hed like to come and meet us
But he thinks hed blow our minds
There’s a star man waiting in the sky
He’s told us not to blow it
Cause he knows its all worthwhile
He told me:Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let all the children boogie
I had to phone someone so I picked on you ho ho
Hey, that’s far out so you heard him too! o o
Switch on the TV we may pick him up on channel two
Look out your window I can see his light a ight
If we can sparkle he may land tonight a ight
Don’t tell your poppa or hell get us locked up in fright
Chorus x 2
This week Julie, Johnnie, Lilith and I are in Great Ormond Street Children’s for Johnnie’s annual assessment. I would love your feedback and will get back to you as quick as possible.
PS. If you are happy and your life is filled with love and abundance then carry on ; )
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Silence
“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music”- Aldous Huxley
“Gods only voice is silence” – Anon
Well it’s that time again huh! So why silence?
A good place to start is the inspiration behind this essay (I am calling my meandering thought’s essays now!), was on the train to work, an intercity train with moulded tables and trolley services.
The train was full, which is not unusual and was full of commuters getting ready to work early in the City and in today’s climate of fear and recession, the mood was already tense to say the least.
In amongst the grey depressive suit wearing banking fraternity, naturally minus me and my flamboyance with camp frivolity were two young ladies who were aged around 19-25.
The scene was a total contrast and was not a well received oasis in the Sahara more of a fly in the ointment, although there presence was of great amusement to me as one of my most loved pastimes is people watching.
Lets just say the girls were loud, I knew a lot of intimate details about there “friends” as gossip was served back and forth between each of the girls like cat tennis. I did take great pleasure in listening to every detail and then something happened, it struck me that I have maybe worked out some part to a human’s psyche that has previously eluded me.
The volley of viscous gossip was intense but it just stopped, this moment was quite uncomfortable as both of the girls just broke each others gaze looked down towards their feet reached for the inevitable comfort blankets of all under 25’s – the mobile phone and began to text away. After several minutes they re-fixed each others gaze and one served a juicy gossip ball and then a rally again ensued.
So what was my thought? Well it is that some people are scared of silence!
This is surely irrational but what can cause this?
Silence when acknowledged can be very useful, for many years my studies have included body language and handling customer complaints. It is amazing what you can achieve or say by holding your response for an extra 2-3 seconds.
This of course is mild manipulation or what Neuro Linguistic Programmers (NLP) use in something called “re-framing”.
There are two experiments that are part of this blog Essay and the first one is something that has been used by me in the past.
However have re framed this, “it is my theme du jour” , my favourite Shakespeare play is Midsummer’s Nights Dream and love the notion that you can enter the fairy land under the light of the moon and want to adapt this with silence.
Take your partner or loved one up to a place where you can be together (preferably in the moonlight) and sit down and ask them not to make a sound, sit opposite each other and hold each others hands. Then proceed to look into each others eyes for a period of time (2 minutes will suffice).
Then after that period of time tell them that you love them with all your heart, and then ask them if they feel the same?
Two things will happen;
1. If they look down / up to the right and answer and every muscle on the face is full and expressing there answer then they are telling the truth when they say yes!
2. If they look down / up to the left and when they answer the face is stiff and frowning then maybe we need to resolve and heal.
This is not about exposing people but we all want to be on the path to happiness and being in a loving relationship is part of that. Looking down to the left may not mean that they are cheating it is just that they have not falling in love with you on every level, do you remember the love equation Heart + Soul + Body x Commitment = Love
The previous essay about comfort does compliment the falling in love process but want to talk about how silence is equally important.
Lets go back to the two girls on the train, now if they were comfortable with silence do you think they would of spilled all the gory details about there friends? The answer of course is NO; the conversation would always therefore be on the accent of the positive.
I want to forget about the details of how we got to this place whether it was too much Television, bad parenting, computer games or mobile phones but concentrate how to achieve the happy state of using silence for our benefit.
Over thinking does play it’s parts in this, I have an office poster (been removed) that listed the difference between a Man and a Woman and one line stated that “A man can sit in a room with his buddy for hours on end in silence without thinking that he must be mad at him!”
Although it is a veiled sexist comment let’s just break down the gender aspect as there is a lot of truth in that statement.
Lets although look at it from another angle, as adults when we are not getting attention we do revert back to childish behaviour and do things to attract attention to ourselves.
All because we can cannot accept silence.
To truly master silence is of course the destination of long journey and can best be achieved through Yoga and meditation.
We can start to achieve this with “baby steps” the little things you can do to ease your journey, the first thing you need to do is to every day dedicate 10 minutes to yourself.
If you are busy or have something on your mind then write it down, it will be there when you return.
So how does this work? Well get yourself into a comfortable place where you cannot be disturbed, once comfortable and your legs are shoulder width apart, your arms by your side then close your eyes.
Take a slow deep breath over five seconds and hold for two seconds, at the point then slowly exhale over five seconds. Repeat this up to 20 times.
You will feel empowered and re-energised after this and the trick is to make this a habit and a fact that if you do something 12 times it because a habit, if you do something 31 times then it’s a habit for life.
There are some behaviour’s that also compliment this, and would concrete love between two people by choosing to commit silent thoughtful gestures to each other. The little things are the building blocks for True Love.
These are special things between two people but could include for example when a partner is in the shower you tumble dry a towel so it’s warm when they get out. When you get up early on a really cold morning you re-set the central heating so that your partner is warm when they rise. You partner has an important job interview or meeting with a client, so the night before you do all the cleaning and washing up so that they don’t have to worry about it.
The most romantic image my mind can conjure is that when I am in my declining years I’m sat on a bench overlooking the Sea, eating Fish and Chips with the woman I love, not saying a word and we both know that we are totally comfortable with each other, and the silence is so powerful, it is almost deafening.
It would appear that a religious quote was used at the start of the essay and in my own context love this quote “Gods only voice is silence”. I believe God is a metaphor for our own creative subconscious and we only truly listen to ourselves when we are silent.
“All of my best thinking has come about, when not talking” – Scott Everest
My next Blog, it is a blog and not an essay! Will be; Religion V’s Faith.
This will polarize a lot of my readers but hope that I will provide a balanced informed opinion.
"My delivery is smooth like a fountain, that's why I can move any mountain" - The Shamen
“Gods only voice is silence” – Anon
Well it’s that time again huh! So why silence?
A good place to start is the inspiration behind this essay (I am calling my meandering thought’s essays now!), was on the train to work, an intercity train with moulded tables and trolley services.
The train was full, which is not unusual and was full of commuters getting ready to work early in the City and in today’s climate of fear and recession, the mood was already tense to say the least.
In amongst the grey depressive suit wearing banking fraternity, naturally minus me and my flamboyance with camp frivolity were two young ladies who were aged around 19-25.
The scene was a total contrast and was not a well received oasis in the Sahara more of a fly in the ointment, although there presence was of great amusement to me as one of my most loved pastimes is people watching.
Lets just say the girls were loud, I knew a lot of intimate details about there “friends” as gossip was served back and forth between each of the girls like cat tennis. I did take great pleasure in listening to every detail and then something happened, it struck me that I have maybe worked out some part to a human’s psyche that has previously eluded me.
The volley of viscous gossip was intense but it just stopped, this moment was quite uncomfortable as both of the girls just broke each others gaze looked down towards their feet reached for the inevitable comfort blankets of all under 25’s – the mobile phone and began to text away. After several minutes they re-fixed each others gaze and one served a juicy gossip ball and then a rally again ensued.
So what was my thought? Well it is that some people are scared of silence!
This is surely irrational but what can cause this?
Silence when acknowledged can be very useful, for many years my studies have included body language and handling customer complaints. It is amazing what you can achieve or say by holding your response for an extra 2-3 seconds.
This of course is mild manipulation or what Neuro Linguistic Programmers (NLP) use in something called “re-framing”.
There are two experiments that are part of this blog Essay and the first one is something that has been used by me in the past.
However have re framed this, “it is my theme du jour” , my favourite Shakespeare play is Midsummer’s Nights Dream and love the notion that you can enter the fairy land under the light of the moon and want to adapt this with silence.
Take your partner or loved one up to a place where you can be together (preferably in the moonlight) and sit down and ask them not to make a sound, sit opposite each other and hold each others hands. Then proceed to look into each others eyes for a period of time (2 minutes will suffice).
Then after that period of time tell them that you love them with all your heart, and then ask them if they feel the same?
Two things will happen;
1. If they look down / up to the right and answer and every muscle on the face is full and expressing there answer then they are telling the truth when they say yes!
2. If they look down / up to the left and when they answer the face is stiff and frowning then maybe we need to resolve and heal.
This is not about exposing people but we all want to be on the path to happiness and being in a loving relationship is part of that. Looking down to the left may not mean that they are cheating it is just that they have not falling in love with you on every level, do you remember the love equation Heart + Soul + Body x Commitment = Love
The previous essay about comfort does compliment the falling in love process but want to talk about how silence is equally important.
Lets go back to the two girls on the train, now if they were comfortable with silence do you think they would of spilled all the gory details about there friends? The answer of course is NO; the conversation would always therefore be on the accent of the positive.
I want to forget about the details of how we got to this place whether it was too much Television, bad parenting, computer games or mobile phones but concentrate how to achieve the happy state of using silence for our benefit.
Over thinking does play it’s parts in this, I have an office poster (been removed) that listed the difference between a Man and a Woman and one line stated that “A man can sit in a room with his buddy for hours on end in silence without thinking that he must be mad at him!”
Although it is a veiled sexist comment let’s just break down the gender aspect as there is a lot of truth in that statement.
Lets although look at it from another angle, as adults when we are not getting attention we do revert back to childish behaviour and do things to attract attention to ourselves.
All because we can cannot accept silence.
To truly master silence is of course the destination of long journey and can best be achieved through Yoga and meditation.
We can start to achieve this with “baby steps” the little things you can do to ease your journey, the first thing you need to do is to every day dedicate 10 minutes to yourself.
If you are busy or have something on your mind then write it down, it will be there when you return.
So how does this work? Well get yourself into a comfortable place where you cannot be disturbed, once comfortable and your legs are shoulder width apart, your arms by your side then close your eyes.
Take a slow deep breath over five seconds and hold for two seconds, at the point then slowly exhale over five seconds. Repeat this up to 20 times.
You will feel empowered and re-energised after this and the trick is to make this a habit and a fact that if you do something 12 times it because a habit, if you do something 31 times then it’s a habit for life.
There are some behaviour’s that also compliment this, and would concrete love between two people by choosing to commit silent thoughtful gestures to each other. The little things are the building blocks for True Love.
These are special things between two people but could include for example when a partner is in the shower you tumble dry a towel so it’s warm when they get out. When you get up early on a really cold morning you re-set the central heating so that your partner is warm when they rise. You partner has an important job interview or meeting with a client, so the night before you do all the cleaning and washing up so that they don’t have to worry about it.
The most romantic image my mind can conjure is that when I am in my declining years I’m sat on a bench overlooking the Sea, eating Fish and Chips with the woman I love, not saying a word and we both know that we are totally comfortable with each other, and the silence is so powerful, it is almost deafening.
It would appear that a religious quote was used at the start of the essay and in my own context love this quote “Gods only voice is silence”. I believe God is a metaphor for our own creative subconscious and we only truly listen to ourselves when we are silent.
“All of my best thinking has come about, when not talking” – Scott Everest
My next Blog, it is a blog and not an essay! Will be; Religion V’s Faith.
This will polarize a lot of my readers but hope that I will provide a balanced informed opinion.
"My delivery is smooth like a fountain, that's why I can move any mountain" - The Shamen
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Comfort
“Just because you look good don’t mean you feel good” – Elvis Presley
I write this post this evening, wearing Elvis glasses and a drinking a tall glass of Gin & Tonic.
Comfort is a word which could be interpreted differently, by every person alive. The interpretation is not even a slight variance on its synonym, people view on comfort can be a totally dichotomy.
So we must always be tolerant.
My own experience of comfort is cooking myself cheese on toast (expensive mature cheddar) with some rashers of smoked bacon on top and them smothered with hot baked beans. Naturally white pepper is shaken all over the burnt orange haricots. All this is served with a hot sweet tea.
My seat on the sofa is cleared and before sitting down undo a couple of buttons from my jeans and let it all hang out, I then proceed to eat this from a tray sat on my lap, whilst watching generic football/other sports/action films or program on cars.
This is my comfort position and every one of you will have there own, and would love to hear them as will use them (credited) in my new book so email scotteverest@btinternet.com.
When we identify our own definition of comfort, the state of being will bring us to a place that we wish we could be all the time. Our own personal Narnia, with the subconscious mind fetching us out of our slump like Mr Tumnus, cloven hoofed along to our inner adventures.
However comfort is something that we need to experience more of, how special would our lives be if we could achieve complete comfort of the mind within 5 seconds of a Negative thought entering it?
I am not claiming this as an original idea and this exercise is adapted from the teachings of Bob Proctor and Michael Neill, although not my delivery of it he he he………….
When a negative thought enters into your mind a bad mood would ensue, as we are annoyed or frustrated that it got there, and you pre determine the rest of the day because of it.
I am now going to tell you about a new scientific two-step method that was developed by NISA (corner shops) and all the ancient Ninja Monk’s of Lidl’s, it is called the “Tribbiani” method. The method is to greet the negative thought and acknowledge it like an old friend or someone who you desire to be close to in an intimate fashion. This is done by reciting the powerful mantra or affirmation “How you Dooooing!”
I do jest, but the reason is of course to acknowledge these thoughts, a familiar blast from the past who you know will one day come. This method is meant too help you face your fears.
I recall reading about people who have had horrific personal stories and when suicidal thoughts enter into there mind learn to change that thought around, by a similar method.
The “how you doing” method is something that I have used for years, and all those who know me well, have all caught me smiling and giggling at a most inopportune moment. I have laughed in court, at a funeral and mostly every time an authority figure challenges me, or put simply, at times of stress. I have driven family, friends and ex partners mad. (I am happy, get over it!)
The main reason for the above is the second step, and that is to change the negative thought after you have greeted it with a new positive thought.
I used to do this by thinking of something humorously insulting about the person challenging me or changing the situation that has a painful outcome for that person. This although changed my mood did not put me in a state of comfort.
The new second stage is to change the negative thought to a happy thought, and to be corny is to create “your happy place”. (These days my outlook is rather to be corny and happy than cool and miserable)
Your happy place is something that can change but a powerful enough emotion to put a smile across your face and increase your heart rate a little faster.
This is best achieved by having a trigger; with mine being a picture of my cheeky daughter in a bath which is saved on the screen on my phone for quick access.
The thought that is generated is watching my daughter eating, which as a hunter gatherer male is my primeval conditioning, and feeding my young is comfort to me.
So find your happy place, get a trigger and every time a negative thought pops into your mind, just greet it say hello ask “how’s it doing!” then let that happy thought enter in.
The word comfort as explained from the Oxford English Dictionary is as follows;
Comfort
• Noun 1 a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. 2 (comforts) things that contribute to comfort. 3 consolation for grief or anxiety.
• Verb cause to feel less unhappy; console.
This blog is a tribute to the word comfort both as a noun and a verb and its derivative “comforting” but my research did bring me back to its Latin origin “Confortare” this literal translation means to “strengthen”
So achieving the state of comfort is to strengthen, so if it makes you happy and puts you in a good place then carry on doing it and it does not matter what anyone says this is YOU.
My original quote from Elvis “Just because you look good don’t mean you feel good” was made around the same time as he also quoted that he enjoyed sitting on his porch in Graceland and thinking back about all the good times.
I just hope that he took the time when those good times were there, that he enjoyed moments of comfort.
Life is now, get comfortable and enjoy it, it will make you stronger!
“ya'll betta check yo'self before you whack yo'self, cos negative thoughts are bad fo ya'll health"
Next blog; Silence and my new experiment
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