They say that you become your abuser.
The wicked irony is, that my adult life vampire obsession was fuelled by the sheer terror as a child, that the very thought of Mr Kurt Barlow could bring.
I am not a recently converted twilight groupie; I find the whole Bella Swan character far too whiny for my liking. Although totally feeling True Blood.
However, I digress.
Today’s blog, is quite personal, and tend to throw these in once in a while. The theme is looser than a skater boy’s trousers, but hopefully a glimmer of a point will shine through.
The film Salem’s Lot had a profound effect on me, as a child these things do. I also used to think that Chewbacca who was on my curtains was going to kill me in the night, so I used to sleep with my Lightsaber, so Kurt Barlow was a certainly worthy of special attention.
Let’s look past the whole blue nosferatu thing he had going on, Mr Barlow was in my eyes, the first true personification of Evil. As children we are shielded from such imagery and behaviour, this is natural as all parents want to protect. However, at 5 years old, you would have hoped for a few lessened encounters or imagery of bad people to kind of lessen the blow, or the Barlow!
There you have it, my first tangible conscious fear. However, not my last, and must of spent the better part of 30-years harbouring more and more and more.....
I have spent countless nights with these fears running through my mind, awake as emotions take control of me. These emotions range from anger, frustration, morbid outcomes and total irrationality.
At the top of this blog, I stated that you can become your own abuser, or in a non-sexual way your subconscious irrationality can penetrate your conscious reality.
Why? It is because I have never faced my fear. We always put these things down to bad luck, Murphy’s Law and of course develop the paranoia that the universe is against us.
The truth is, it is! We are powerful being and we can manifest our fears to become an irrational reality. Hold on one second though, if negative and fearful thankful brings about such results surely.............
That is right folks; we know the answer for creating happiness and a positive and abundant life, but it does not answer how we manage our fears.
Feel the fear and do it anyway, Susan Jeffers did get it right with this great book, and recommend to everyone.
Now back to Mr Barlow, I have long moved on from that fear, but the penny finally dropped that instead of banishing fear all together, I just dealt with every personification and manifestation that came along. It was seem that some fears were instantly banished, some were embraced and some have been with me for decades.
Fear has affected me physically, and have been regularly been seeing a Kinesiologist, Life Coach and today even Hypnotherapy. The truth is, and an accurate summary of my fear behaviour is that I have been playing a game of eternal hide and seek. My hiding place is somewhat better than behind a sofa, but another disturbing reality is that it is still seeking me.
What am I afraid of? Shouting? Well last I check that cannot hurt me, the raising of the voice as an intimidation tool is kind of juvenile. I can scare myself more.
The break-though moment, we scare ourselves more with a morbid unrealistic outcome than actual reality.
I will never succeed with such thoughts, I will never become rich if I am scared of money, I will never grow as a person unless I nourish myself with spirituality, I will not intellectually expand with exposure to all forms of higher reasoning (This includes relinquishing my personal boycott of Satre)
I must name my fear, write it down and place the words on a wall for me to stare and absorb. Then give that fear a colour, imagine it wearing a parka coat and yellow Wellington boots. Place the fear in its rain wear and imagine it place precariously on top of a steep hill. Then place the fear on a skate board, and watch it speed down the hill to the deep lake at the bottom and watch it sink away into oblivion.
I cannot absorb or become, what is no longer there.
‘Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free’ - Jim Morrison
I truly am free; my greatest successes are yet to come, my biggest adventures have yet to be taken and my happiness will never peak and plateau it will ascend to the stars and beyond.
We turn a page a day in our lives; we need to want to read on.
Thank you Mr Barlow, you have taught me well.
The wicked irony is, that my adult life vampire obsession was fuelled by the sheer terror as a child, that the very thought of Mr Kurt Barlow could bring.
I am not a recently converted twilight groupie; I find the whole Bella Swan character far too whiny for my liking. Although totally feeling True Blood.
However, I digress.
Today’s blog, is quite personal, and tend to throw these in once in a while. The theme is looser than a skater boy’s trousers, but hopefully a glimmer of a point will shine through.
The film Salem’s Lot had a profound effect on me, as a child these things do. I also used to think that Chewbacca who was on my curtains was going to kill me in the night, so I used to sleep with my Lightsaber, so Kurt Barlow was a certainly worthy of special attention.
Let’s look past the whole blue nosferatu thing he had going on, Mr Barlow was in my eyes, the first true personification of Evil. As children we are shielded from such imagery and behaviour, this is natural as all parents want to protect. However, at 5 years old, you would have hoped for a few lessened encounters or imagery of bad people to kind of lessen the blow, or the Barlow!
There you have it, my first tangible conscious fear. However, not my last, and must of spent the better part of 30-years harbouring more and more and more.....
I have spent countless nights with these fears running through my mind, awake as emotions take control of me. These emotions range from anger, frustration, morbid outcomes and total irrationality.
At the top of this blog, I stated that you can become your own abuser, or in a non-sexual way your subconscious irrationality can penetrate your conscious reality.
Why? It is because I have never faced my fear. We always put these things down to bad luck, Murphy’s Law and of course develop the paranoia that the universe is against us.
The truth is, it is! We are powerful being and we can manifest our fears to become an irrational reality. Hold on one second though, if negative and fearful thankful brings about such results surely.............
That is right folks; we know the answer for creating happiness and a positive and abundant life, but it does not answer how we manage our fears.
Feel the fear and do it anyway, Susan Jeffers did get it right with this great book, and recommend to everyone.
Now back to Mr Barlow, I have long moved on from that fear, but the penny finally dropped that instead of banishing fear all together, I just dealt with every personification and manifestation that came along. It was seem that some fears were instantly banished, some were embraced and some have been with me for decades.
Fear has affected me physically, and have been regularly been seeing a Kinesiologist, Life Coach and today even Hypnotherapy. The truth is, and an accurate summary of my fear behaviour is that I have been playing a game of eternal hide and seek. My hiding place is somewhat better than behind a sofa, but another disturbing reality is that it is still seeking me.
What am I afraid of? Shouting? Well last I check that cannot hurt me, the raising of the voice as an intimidation tool is kind of juvenile. I can scare myself more.
The break-though moment, we scare ourselves more with a morbid unrealistic outcome than actual reality.
I will never succeed with such thoughts, I will never become rich if I am scared of money, I will never grow as a person unless I nourish myself with spirituality, I will not intellectually expand with exposure to all forms of higher reasoning (This includes relinquishing my personal boycott of Satre)
I must name my fear, write it down and place the words on a wall for me to stare and absorb. Then give that fear a colour, imagine it wearing a parka coat and yellow Wellington boots. Place the fear in its rain wear and imagine it place precariously on top of a steep hill. Then place the fear on a skate board, and watch it speed down the hill to the deep lake at the bottom and watch it sink away into oblivion.
I cannot absorb or become, what is no longer there.
‘Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free’ - Jim Morrison
I truly am free; my greatest successes are yet to come, my biggest adventures have yet to be taken and my happiness will never peak and plateau it will ascend to the stars and beyond.
We turn a page a day in our lives; we need to want to read on.
Thank you Mr Barlow, you have taught me well.
Love peace and hair grease
Scott
1 comment:
Great story, great Jim Morrison quote!
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